What the Heck Am I Doing?

Have you ever felt out of place, like you didn't belong?  Awkward?  Uncomfortable in a situation?  I think everybody has experienced this at one time or another.  What do you do during these times?  You RUN as fast as you can out of that situation! 

What do you do if running makes you feel out of place, awkward, and uncomfortable?

Yesterday I ran 3.02 miles on the treadmill at the gym after an intense upper body strength workout.  I wanted to experience what 3 miles felt like in preparation for my first 5K race in a few weeks.  It took me 50 minutes, and I didn't die.  I know the time I have to beat and the pace I need to run to cross the finish line in a respectable amount of time, and as I'm writing these words I feel like I'm talking about someone else.  It's almost ridiculous.  All of this is so far outside of the realm of how I identify myself.  I don't know how to form thoughts around the subject of running, all I know is that I just need to keep running.

This process is a deep, personal and challenging journey the LORD called me to.  No person could have inspired me to begin to run.  I feel like a switch was turned on in a hidden room within my being bringing light to a part of myself that I never knew was there.  I was talking to my pastor over the weekend, and he made the statement, "Rebecca, I think you can...no, you're going to do it!"  I'm going to run a marathon.

I can't get away from it.  Everywhere I look I see tokens of running marathons.  I see oval stickers on some cars "26.2."  A few weeks ago I wouldn't have known that that is the official distance of a marathon.  I notice runners out on the roads and trails and marvel at how graceful they look.  Even in studying Hebrew, the textbook has phrases to translate like: "Will you run in the marathon this week?" "More than 38,000 people ran in the Boston Marathon."

Many years ago I asked myself the question, "What if God calls me to a hard place?"  The answer I experienced over and over again is that if God calls me He will supply the grace.  All He asks of me is to trust Him, and He has never disappointed me.  God has called me to hard places and put me in many awkward moments.  Each one has revealed an aspect of God's love, grace, mercy and faithfulness, and has also helped me to stretch and grow and change to become the woman God intended me to be.

So, the answer to "What the Heck Am I Doing?" is...

I am wholeheartedly following after the leading of the LORD in every aspect of my life, and I'm trusting Him to reveal the lessons He wants to teach and to form His nature and character in me.  I recently listened to a marathon podcast.  The speaker was talking about a group of people she's seen in various marathons wearing shirts stating "Team 4:13" in reference to Phillippeans 4:13...

Yes, I am strong enough!